ANGER MANAGEMENT-Learn to extend Mercy!
- Ivan Muhire
- Aug 17, 2021
- 4 min read
Being in the service industry has great challenges especially when you have to face clients on a day to day basis. Today I had that experience of two clients who didn’t want to clear a bill yet they had received services promising that they would send through the balance end of week. These two have been having that tendency and would take advantage of the manager when I was away but today they had to face me. I guess I know what is running in your minds if you were in my shoes. True I was angry and was unhappy of the behaviour and I had told the manager to tell them this time round they have to make full payments before leaving.
So is getting angry okay? We all get angry and it becomes detrimental if we are not to able manager our anger. Anger is a real problem in society. We know that everyone gets angry, but letting it get out of control is harmful. Anger management treatment helps people lead a full, happy, and healthy life (Karmin, 2017). “Pathological anger can ruin your relationships, career, and health if you don’t take action,” but there are techniques that can help (Dyer, 2020, p. 14).Studies suggest that “eight percent of the adult population find it hard to control their temper,” and any of us can develop an anger problem (Dyer, 2020, p. 14).
So how does one know that they have an anger problem. Recognizing there is a problem is the first step toward change (Karmin, 2017). Here are some pointers that one may be having an anger problem.(Dyer, 2020)
Your anger affects your relationships and work
You are angry regularly.
You get angry over things that don’t seem to affect other people.
Your anger turns to aggression or violence.
Your anger feels too strong to handle.
how to cope with anger
Out-of-control anger means that your emotions are dictating your behavior. Dyer (2020) offers several techniques to regain mastery over feelings and avoid acting in a destructive or harmful way.
Distance yourself
Physically removing yourself from an emotional situation can immediately bring relief. However, if that’s not possible, psychological distance can help. Imagining someone else experiencing the problem or looking in on yourself can help you respond more rationally.
Practice deep breathing
Breathing slowly and deeply is a powerful method for restoring logical, less emotional thinking and encouraging feelings of relaxation (Nestor, 2020).
Ask for time out
Before you do or say something regrettable, excuse yourself. Get a few minutes away from the heat of the situation to regain composure and more logical thinking.
Change your posture and facial expression
Surprisingly, altering your body language can be effective at changing how others see you and how you feel. Relaxing your arms and shoulders and unclenching your fists can help (Cuddy, 2018).
Playcalming or happy music
Listening to bright or relaxing music can be distracting and an effective way to decompress. This worked for me today.
Extend mercy as a skill to manage anger
I am reminded of the story in the bible of the unmerciful servant in Mathew 18:21-35. 21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times? 22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.[a]23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold[b]was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. 26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. 28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins.[c] He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. 29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’ 30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened. 32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. 35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
In Anger Management – How to Take Control of Your Emotions and Find Joy in Life, Judy Dyer (2020) says that once you recognize the factors involved in triggering angry responses, you can learn how to break the anger cycle.
Hope this was helpful. Please leave a comment of your thoughts. For more on how you access our counselling services don’t hesitate to reach out.
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